Reminiscing

I’ve been going through things as I unpack (so the Navy can repack) and I found three shoe boxes full of notes from high school and middle school. Probably 75% of them are from Jill, 20% are from Megan and the other 5% are from girls from church and a bunch of guy friends. It’s crazy all the things we thought were so important and the silly things we talked about back then.

Reading through them all was kinda hard. I’m not close with most of my friends anymore. Jill and I are still really close, but that’s about it.

I guess the thing that makes me the saddest is the drama that happened Senior Year that messed up a few friendships. I got blamed for something I didn’t do, which caused some people to do something, then they told me about it a few months later and I placed all the blame of those actions on one person who didn’t deserve it. She and I already had a bit of a fractured relationship and I felt like she was the instigator in what all of them did, even though I eventually realized I was wrong. By that time, we had both said and done stupid things and our friendship is pretty much over. I realized tonight that I never really apologized for the things I said and did in regards to her. I let some friends of mine get involved and things got really nasty, as they tend to do with high school girls.

Thinking back on all of it, it just all seems so stupid. The four of us were really tight in middle school and the beginning of high school. The first problems started when guys got involved. Then everything just got weird. I think all of us were kinda freaking out because we were all changing and as we got older, none of us were as close as we used to be.

I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here. I guess I just wish I could go back in time and re-do a lot of things in high school. One of the biggest things I’d re-do is this whole situation.

It’s not like we’re all mortal enemies or anything. We’re just not really friends anymore. We go through the motions and we try to maintain a suedo-friendship, but it’s not like it used to be. It makes me sad sometimes.

I guess, though, things might still be the same even if this situation had never happened. I mean, one girl is newly pregnant, one is married and has three kids, one isn’t married and I actually have no idea what is going on in her life and there is me: married to a military man, no kids and not even in the same city as the other three. So, who knows. Things could still be the way they are now because we are all so different than we were in high school. Do I want us to be friends like we used to be in middle school? Yes. Do I really think that’s possible? Maybe. I guess we’ll have to see. When I’m back in St George, I hope I have the courage to get in touch with these girls and apologize for how crazy things got growing up. I guess we’ll see when the time comes.