Overwhelmed

I have got sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much going on in my mind right now. I don’t know how to get it out. So much is happening and it just feels like it’s all happening at once. I would feel better if I could just start moving on this, but I can’t do anything until I figure other things out and I can’t figure the other things out until something else happens. I hate just sitting here in this state of stasis. Once a decision has been made, I want to start moving. But I can’t. Because the decision hasn’t been 100% made. The decision has been mostly made and now I just have to wait for further information. The thing that sucks about that is that when the further information comes, I will have a limited time to do what I need to do before that even occurs.

Well, in the hour since I wrote the last, I have received new information. lol. I love it. Things are changing all the time. Apparently, I don’t have a super limited amount of time. Apparently, I have whatever time I want. Which could be bad. Because I tend do procrastinate. Especially when it comes to change.

Okay, let me explain. My boyfriend, Troy, volunteered for a project in Malaysia back at the beginning of July. He said it wouldn’t be for a year or two that they got the project. And that he probably wouldn’t even be selected for it. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell, he got a call this past Thursday and they said he had been picked for the Malaysia project……………………………..and that he would be leaving the next week. As in, three days from now. As in, really soon.

When he first volunteered for the project, he asked me if I’d want to go with him. Heck, yeah, I’d want to go! But I didn’t think it would be for a year or so. All the sudden, it’s right now. I’m having a lot of mixed emotions right now. I want to go with him, but I’m scared. I’m afraid of change, I’m afraid he and I will break up while I’m there, I’m afraid things will all fall apart.

I wish I could write more, but he’s calling for me. We’re going to watch a documentary on Borneo to prepare for the move. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to write more soon because I feel like I’m going to explode from everything and not really being able to talk about it.