Table of Contents
Just kidding. This is more like a 20-minute life update.
HOW LIFE IS GOING:
My last post gave a pretty open rundown of how I’ve been feeling off and on the last nine months, but I’m very happy to report that I’ve been doing better. I think being able to admit those feelings, get them out, not feel like I had to hide it all and keep it a secret helped a lot. I know I’m not 100% back to myself, but I feel better, lighter. I feel like this big burden and weight I was carrying has been lifted off. Maybe not all the way, but it’s definitely not as heavy and present as it was. I’ve been really happy the last few days and I think it’s because I faced what I was feeling, admitted to myself I was feeling those things, and stopped trying to hide and pretend nothing had happened. So, I’d say life is going good.
In regards to the cysts I wrote about in my last update post, they haven’t been bothering me in a while. I don’t even remember when they went away, I just haven’t felt them in a while. So, hooray!
WHAT I LOVED ABOUT THE LAST WEEK:
All the messages and words of love I received. Seriously, I had no idea people would respond the way they did. I received so many messages of support, love, encouragement, solidarity, and kindness. It was very touching. It surprised me a lot. It was also humbling that several people felt comfortable sharing their own experiences and relating their own difficulties to me to help me feel not so alone and offer advice for what helped them heal. I am truly honored to have received all those messages. Thank you. I very much appreciate them being sent and the love that was conveyed.
WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND:
Not a lot, unfortunately. Just work and homework. I worked with a pretty awesome kid yesterday, so that was actually a highlight. I work Saturdays just so I can work with this one. The admin said I could request not to work Saturdays now that I’ve been there a year, but I opted to block Mondays off cuz this kid has very limited hours at the clinic and I want as many of those as I can get. I don’t mind the trade-off.
WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO:
I’m graduating in June!!!!! This crazy long journey will be over and I can move forward with some of my life goals. 154 more days until graduation. I am seriously so excited about that.
PLANS FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK:
Eh, work, homework, life. Troy is being transferred to DC, so I’m overseeing his storage unit being packed and loaded on Friday. He asked me to handle this for him so he doesn’t have to take three days off work to fly to Oregon one day, oversee the pack and load the second day, and fly back out the third. It’s just easier having me do it since I’m already here. Other than that, homework, and a staff meeting, there’s nothing interesting going on.
WHAT I’M NERVOUS ABOUT:
Not much, actually. The only real thing I’m nervous about is a phone call I have to make tomorrow and the typical “am I going to be able to get all my homework done on time?” thoughts, but other than that, there isn’t anything.
WHAT I’VE BEEN DAYDREAMING ABOUT:
Sleep and being done with homework. lol.
HOW SCHOOL IS GOING:
School started on Monday and it’s been about as expected. There is more homework this term, which has been a little stressful, but I think I did okay for the first week. There is one discussion post that the professor had put on the weekly assignments list as being due Wednesday, but I’m not sure if that was a recommended due or an actual due. I completely missed it until shortly after midnight Wednesday night/Thursday morning, so hurried and did it then. I may get a zero or docked points on it and am kinda kicking myself for that. Oh well. I got everything else done and turned in, so I feel like I had a good first week.
One of the things we’re doing this term is a business simulation game. Basically, we’re each running our own shoe company and get to make changes about the quality of materials we use, where our distribution plans ship to/from, how much to pay in dividends, when and how much to expand production plants, which celebrities to pitch endorsement deals to, how much product to produce in each region, what price to set each category in each region, how much to pay employees, how much to spend on quality improvement programs, various marketing strategies, and so much more. Each student’s company is in competition with other students in the class and we get ranked each week. I named my company Die Besten Schuhe (The Best Shoe), so it had better get good rankings! We’re blindly competing against each other, so none of us will know how we’re doing against the others until rankings come out on Sunday nights. I think it’s Sunday night. It could be Monday morning.
I’m actually pretty stressed out about this because I’m not a video game person and I feel like there are so many things to keep track of and remember. I’ve watched every help video on the website, watched the outdated tutorial on our class site (seriously, the guy even says it’s from 2015 and the interface has changed a bit since then), and looked over the player guide. I’ve also downloaded all of the help documents from the simulation page and looked up videos on youtube about various strategies to use, tips, and things to look out for. I spent quite a while yesterday adjusting various settings across the ten pages of categories we can make adjustments on and I got my projected performance to mostly exceed investor expectations, so I’m hoping that means my end result will be good.
HOW WORK IS GOING:
Work is going really well. Now that the problem coworker is gone, things have improved a lot. I had a meeting with a supervisor about a month ago and he said he could tell a big difference in my demeanor and the way I worked with the kids since October. Apparently I talk to people a lot more now, too lol. Several people have commented that my confidence has been a lot higher since the problem coworker was removed, that I’m a lot more engaged with group activities, and that I’m happier at work. I’ve noticed a few changes in myself now, too. Since I’m not so stressed out about being around that coworker, I do a lot more at the clinic. I lead preschool sometimes, read the book for preschool, sing the songs when it’s just me and one other therapist singing in preschool, sing silly songs to one of the kids I work with when other people are around, jump in and help other therapists manage behaviors, and stay later to do things around the clinic. I just feel so much more comfortable doing all of these things now that there isn’t that dark presence there. It’s interesting the things that affect you in ways you don’t realize.
As far as the kids go, Kid 2 is gone. I’m still super sad about that. That kid was so amazing. I work with three new kids now, one with low aggressive behaviors (Kid 3) and two with moderate to kinda high aggression (Kid 4 and Kid 5). I’ve done some fill-ins with kids with high aggression and they’ve gone well, I just don’t feel like I have the skill or physical capability necessary to manage the extremely aggressive kids. I’ve been talking with the supervisors and ABM expert (person who trains us in managing aggressive behaviors) over the last few months about how I want to improve in those areas so I can manage higher aggression behaviors better, but I’m not really sure what’s going on with that. It’s almost time for my annual ABM training, so that will help refresh what I learned last year and hopefully give additional tools to work with. Oh, ABM stands for Aggressive Behavior Management.
I also finished training for RBT/BCAT certification, which is a behavior management credential. I’m going to try to do the test between terms because I really don’t want to add a 3-hour test to my already crazy school schedule this term. So, I did the videos, have the study guide, and will read through the study guide periodically until I actually do the test. I also applied for an expert role, which will be interesting. Another girl said it took several months from the time she applied for an expert role until they contacted her about it, so I don’t anticipate hearing back anytime soon. I should follow up, though.
Side note, yesterday marks a year since I started my job. It has been the longest, yet shortest, year ever. I struggled a lot when I first started because this is so far outside my wheelhouse and there’s not a lot of training involved. I mean, we watch videos and do a few roleplay scenarios, but that doesn’t give a true depiction of what it will be like once you’re actually doing the job. Once you actually start working with the kids and dealing with how unpredictable every day is, it’s a real challenge. I’m used to routine and predictability and working with computers in the legal field, so it was really hard adjusting to how wildly different every single moment of every single day was while learning a completely new skillset. I feel like I’ve grown so much and that I’m doing really well with my job now. I can take the unpredictability and just roll with it. Actually makes me feel pretty good about myself that I stuck with this through all the chaos and drama to be excelling.
HOW EXERCISE IS GOING:
Running kind of died. lol. I had several injuries working with aggressive kids last summer, one of which resulted in a strict ‘no exercise’ restriction for 6-8 weeks, and then I was sick a lot, so running just kinda went away. I think about going for walks every now and then to work back up to running, but I just haven’t found that drive yet. I haven’t quite exercising, though. Back in August I got a gym membership and was doing that off and on, but then a friend from Malaysia contacted me to say she is trying to start an online personal training business and wanted to use me as a guinea pig. So, I’ve been doing that. It was weird to video myself doing exercises so I could send them for critique, but now the only time I feel awkward videoing myself is when I do it at the gym.
When it comes to the actual exercises, some of what DeLynne has me do is really new to me, but it’s so much fun! The most challenging exercise so far has been the wall-walk. Doing a plank and then walking my feet up the wall has been the only exercise I have been unable to do. I tried for a really long time one day and beat my knees up from continually falling, so she modified the exercise to where I go up the two steps on my stepladder and hold it. Once we get my upper body strength built up some, we’re going to try it again.
My favorite exercises so far are sit unders, inch worms, good mornings, Bulgarian split squats, glute bridge bench presses, and dumbbell drags. Not a huge fan of mountain climbers, wall walks, box jumps, tuck ups, or burpees. Most of those just because they’re physically challenging and I am really not good at them, but I’m sure I’ll like them more once I feel like I can do them well. Burpees, well, I’m not sure I’ll ever like those. lol.
WHAT BOOK I’M READING:
Right now, textbooks. I’ve finished a few books between the last time I wrote and now, I just haven’t started any new ones. I did buy a few books, though, so there is that. lol
GOALS FOR THIS WEEK:
I’m doing a reset on the goals I had last time. Just going to start fresh with new ones and go from here.
- Fitness & Diet
- Get all three of my workouts in
- Eat more salads
- School
- Get a little ahead with homework (haha)
- Work
- Follow up on the expert role I applied for
- Run all of Kid 5’s programs during the session
- (I already do this with Kid 3 and I’m still pretty new with Kid 4)
- Personal
- Read at least one chapter of a non-school book
- Religious
- Be more consistent at reading my scriptures
- Read this week’s Come Follow Me chapter
ISSUES/PROBLEMS/CONCERNS:
Right now, I don’t really feel like I have any huge issues, problems, or concerns. I feel like I’m in a pretty good place as far as problems go because I don’t really feel like I have any at the moment. Hooray!
WHAT ELSE IS NEW:
This one feels silly to write about, but I’m kinda excited for it. A friend was getting rid of a portable washing machine and I bought it from her. Soooooo, now I have a washing machine in my apartment again! Yay! I miss having a full-sized washer and dryer, but this is a welcome compromise. It fits in a little corner spot in my dining area and I just wheel it out by the sink to use it. Last night I did all my laundry, which means I have shirts, pants, socks, towels, and all sorts of other stuff just hanging in doorways around my apartment. It’s been cracking me up today, having to do duck all over the place to keep from knocking things off the doors. It was really nice not having to go out in the cold to take my clothes to the laundry center, so I don’t mind the laundry drying everywhere. Totally worth it.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I think that’s it. Phew! That was a lot! I guess that really is everything, though. lol. Hope everyone has a wonderful week!
