It’s been a while since I last wrote, but that’s okay. I’m still struggling with depression and feeling like there’s too much on my plate, even though there really isn’t that much. But when you’re struggling with stuff like this, even little things can seem overwhelming. A lot of days I do okay and am just kinda ‘meh,’ but there are also days on either side of the spectrum. I have fantastic days where I feel like I can conquer the world again and like I have my life back and there are days where I’m lucky if I get one school-related thing done and even days where it’s really bad and I get nothing done. The last two weeks have been on the lower end of the spectrum, but I’ve been fighting back the past few days. I had 8 chapters to read for school and spent two days being too depressed to do anything except lay around and watch tv or scroll through facebook and it took me three days to get six of those chapters read. I have a quiz on those chapters next week, so I really needed to get them read. The other two, well, the assignment for those isn’t due for another week, so that wasn’t as pressing. I’m still disappointed in myself for not getting all 8 chapters read, but I did the stuff that needed to be done, so that’s still an accomplishment.
I guess I should add that school started two weeks ago. April 1st, to be exact. It hasn’t been too super stressful yet because the main kid I work with cancelled for the month to do a family trip or something like that, so I’ve had extra time to let myself take it easy and not have as much pressure to get things done faster. School has also been lighter these two weeks, which has helped. Not so many assignments, but a LOT of reading. I have mixed feelings about that because I hate reading textbooks. Oh well. This is the last term and then I am free!
But, this post isn’t about school. This is about the uncomfortable topic nobody likes to hear about. This is my reality right now, though, so I’m going to write about it. This post doesn’t have any of the uncomfortable details, so it shouldn’t be too awkward for people. It’s mostly just an update of what’s happened with the case.
Last I wrote about this, it was the beginning of January. Several things have happened since then and I figured I’d give an update. A few days after I posted that blog, I called Salem PD to check on my case and found out that it had been referred to the Polk County DA’s office for review on November 14th. Apparently, the detective had interviewed Lonny in November and, along with all the evidence and information I provided, determined there was enough to warrant the case being sent to the DA’s office to determine formal charges. Due to the holidays, things got sidetracked a little, but my phone call got things moving again.
Towards the end of January, I met with Polk County Chief Deputy District Attorney Jayme Kimberly to discuss the case. We talked about the process, what charges she wanted to file against Lonny, that there was enough evidence from what he’d said and what I’d provided to pursue the case, what would be expected of me, and that if I decide it’s too much and I want to quit, that it’s okay. She was very kind and honest and provided realistic expectations of different possible outcomes.
Shortly after that, on February 26th, I testified in front of the Grand Jury about what happened. It was very gentle and everyone was super nice. I had expected it to take place in a more courtroom-type setting where I was sitting in front of a couple rows of chair with DA Kimberly standing at podium asking hard questions. Basically, unfriendly and impersonal. But it was a lot more informal than that, which was wonderful.
The room was small, there was a little table that took up most of the room with a handful of people sitting around it. DA Kimberly sat next to me in front of the table, no podium. It felt less scary that way, which I think was the intent. The people on the Grand Jury were very kind and gave me encouraging smiles whenever I looked up at them, which wasn’t very often. The beginning of the hearing was more like a conversation where DA Kimberly asked me about what I do for work and if I like it. I love talking about the progress our kids make and shared a little story about how one kid didn’t used to talk much and independently asked for me to open the gate one day, even saying please. It was a great moment and it made me happy to share that with them, keeping the name and gender of the child private, of course.
After that, DA Kimberly transitioned to questions about the nature of my relationship with Lonny (just friends, I had told him multiple times I didn’t want to date him and had encouraged him to pursue other girls, I’d even turned him down when he asked me to be his girlfriend a few days prior to him assaulting me) and if I’d shared with him my feelings on what I was and wasn’t okay with (yes, I’d told him multiple times I did not want a sexual relationship with him, that kissing is as far as things would ever go, no touching me sexually either over or under my clothing). We then went into what happened that night and some of the things that happened after. It was embarrassing sharing those things, but I’m proud of myself for doing it. It was hard at the time, but I feel better about myself for going through with it.
Along with me, there were other witnesses: the detective who spoke with me the day I filed the police report and did the initial investigation and the detective who handled the formal investigation. I’m not sure which one interviewed Lonny, but I want to say it was the detective. I don’t know what either of them said to the Grand Jury since only one witness is allowed in the room at a time.
After I testified, I sat in a little waiting room until it was all over. It was a comfy little room with a couch, stuffed animals, books, toys, some game consoles, a basket of tissues, some fidgets, and blankets. Basically, as homy and comfortable as they could make it for the victims and their families. I should take a picture of it next time I’m there so I can show what it looks like. Maybe. If I remember. Back to the topic.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to sit and wait alone. One of my friends had planned on going with me, but she was unable to at the last minute. Holly wasn’t able to get childcare in time, so she wasn’t able to go, either. It ended up being okay because a victim advocate sat with me and talked with me so I wouldn’t have to just sit and stress alone. Her name is Christine and she’s really nice. She’s been great about answering my questions and clarifying information for me. I really appreciate her compassion and patience.
So, once everything had been presented to the Grand Jury and they deliberated, DA Kimberly came in to tell me they had approved charges against Lonny. He would be charged with Sex Abuse I and Sex Abuse III. She sat and talked with me for a bit to answer questions and explain what happens next. Everything went so fast. I felt like I was only there for about 5 minutes, but including the conversation with DA Kimberly, it was about an hour. More than 5 minutes, but definitely shorter than I’d anticipated.
After the Grand Jury approved charges, a warrant was put out for Lonny’s arrest. It took a bit, but Lonny was arrested on March 26th and he made bail on March 28th. You can see his mugshot here, if you’re interested.
According to the bail agreement I was given, his dad paid his bail. AND, according to the bail agreement, he can’t contact me anymore. DA Kimberly said that if he contacts me or has a friend or family member contact me, that I need to report it to the police and they’ll put him back in jail. Thank goodness.
As seen in the bail release, this upcoming Tuesday is the arraignment. DA Kimberly said this hearing will be short, that the charges will be formally read in court and the judge will enter a Not Guilty plea before setting a trial date. DA Kimberly had originally said if Lonny wasn’t able to make bail that the trial would be set within 60 days in accordance with the Sixth Amendment’s ‘right to a speedy trial’ and the whole ‘it’s not right to keep people in jail when a trial is set super far in the future’. For an innocent person, I can see how that would be a hardship. But Lonny isn’t still in jail and has been released on bail, so DA Kimberly said the trial date could be anytime in the relatively near future, but doesn’t have any idea on when it might be. She said it all depends on the court’s calendar, prosecution’s calendar, and the defense attorney’s calendar. And mine, which I was happy to hear.
One of the things DA Kimberly said that made me feel better about the uncertainty of the trial date is that if I have something going on, the court will take that into consideration. She said they’ll be mindful of my school obligations and any preplanned vacations. So, I went ahead and scheduled my graduation trip and the week for my family to come visit. I also signed up for a day to present my senior project at a symposium and have been arranging with Holly to help her with her kids after she has surgery this summer. Once DA Kimberly said I didn’t have to put any of my plans on hold to make way for a trial, I have just been living life normally, as much as possible.
Honestly, this whole thing is nuts. I didn’t even think things would ever get this far. I figured the police would just say there wasn’t enough evidence to proceed and that would be the end of it. Each step has been a surprise and a validation that I made the right call in filing a report. Even if there is no guilty verdict, the officer felt there was enough to kick it up to the detective, the detective felt there was enough to refer it to the prosecutor, the prosecutor felt there was enough to present to a grand jury, and the grand jury felt there was enough to approve charges, which were filed and prompted Lonny’s arrest. It’s insane. I don’t even know what to think about all this most of the time.
In all reality, I do my best not to think about it. When anything related to this comes into my mind, I try to replace it with something else. Some days are harder than others, like the last few days since the arraignment is only a few days away. There will be days where I don’t think about it at all and then days when I think about it a few times. But it doesn’t upset me as much as it used to. Sometimes I get sad about it and wish it had never happened and sometimes I get sad and wish Lonny were a better person. He’s ruining his own life with his bad decisions and damaging the lives of others. He could achieve so much if he were to put his energy into being a decent human being. But, that’s neither here nor there.
I’m not really sure what will happen after the arraignment. I’ll be there and may speak with DA Kimberly or Christine afterwards or I may just come home. Well, not home. I’m going to my friend’s farm for a little bit afterwards to play with her kittens, horse, and donkey. And I need to see her new barn. The frame was going up the last time I was out there and now it’s pretty much done. I need to remember to take jeans to change into since I’m going to dress professionally for the hearing, even though it should only be a few minutes. Well, I’m actually not sure. From my understanding, Lonny’s appearance should only be a few minutes, but I want to say several other people are scheduled for the same time and how long I’ll be there depends on where he is in the lineup. I’ve never done this before, so I could be totally wrong. We’ll find out on Tuesday and maybe I’ll write a post to let everyone know how it goes. Or maybe it will be another three months until I write an update. I guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.
