My 2018 #MeToo Story, Update #2 – The Arraignment

I thought about writing this later, but figured if I don’t do it now, I won’t do it at all. So, here goes.

Today was Lonny’s arraignment for sexually assaulting me. Some might wonder why I put it that way. Well, because that’s what he did. That is his crime. For a while I used to just say he hurt me because it was easier and less confrontational, in a way. But it diminished the reality of what he did. When he would send me messages at work saying “the punishment doesn’t fit the crime” because I would refuse to hang out with him or would turn down the repeated dinner invitations or not want to engage in conversation, I would reply to his messages by saying “What you did was sexual assault. You violated me, you betrayed me, and you assaulted me.” And then I’d tell him to leave me alone. I was okay telling him what he did was assault, but I had a hard time telling other people. But I’m trying to do better and to own what happened instead of still trying to hide from it. It is what it is and I need to fully accept it.

So, today was Lonny’s arraignment for sexually assaulting me. I had some anxiety before leaving my house and cried a bit. Said a prayer for strength and help and to know I wasn’t alone and a couple minutes later I got texts from Holly and Tamara giving support and encouragement. I’d meant to eat a real breakfast, but I was too stressed out, so I just had an English muffin and ran out the door.

When I got to Tamara’s house, I got to hold her super cute baby chicks for a minute before we left. They’re so soft and fluffy. I was supposed to get there earlier and play with them longer, but I had trouble getting stuff done this morning and left later than I’d planned. I got to her house a few minutes before we needed to leave, so at least we were able to still leave on time. She drove us through the back roads of West Salem and it was so pretty out there. I like that area.

When we got to the courthouse, we weren’t really sure where to go, so we just wandered around for a few minutes. It was 15 minutes before the arraignment was supposed to start, which gave us a little time. Unfortunately, we turned a corner only to find Lonny and his attorney. Tamara didn’t know it was them, so she was trying to ask them where the courtroom was. As soon as I saw Lonny, I felt fear and panic and disgust. I backed right back around the corner and got Tamara’s attention to get her to stop talking to them. It makes me mad at myself that he still affects me that way, but it’s been six months since I last saw him and it’s the first time I’ve seen him since outing him for being a sexual predator at work. I still worry about retaliation sometimes. Logically, I know I had a normal reaction to the unexpected run-in, but there’s still this part of my brain that thinks I should have been better than that. He’s the criminal, not me.

But, can’t do anything about that reaction now. Tamara and I eventually found the correct courtroom……….across the street. We found the room quite easily once we figured out which building it was in and then chatted and waited about 35 minutes for court to start. I was surprised that they didn’t get started until almost 9:30. It was actually a really interesting process to watch. But I’ll describe the room first.

So, if you’ve ever seen Law & Order, the room looks nothing like that. It’s a pretty much square room with a few very short spectator rows on either side of a short aisle. The judge’s desk isn’t in the center of the room, it’s off to one side, kind of in a triangle shape with the tip being the corner of the room. When you face the judge’s desk, there’s a desk to the left and it’s attached to the judge’s desk. Another desk, also attached to the judge’s desk, is just in front of that. It looked like there might be a witness stand on the far side, but my view was obstructed and I couldn’t see clearly. There were doors on either side, one for court personnel and one for jail personnel. Another door was behind the judge’s desk. Instead of there being two separate tables for the prosecution and defense, they just stood at the same table, which was angled sideways to be fully facing the judge. Behind that table was a glass window where incarcerated persons sat while being arraigned. Can you visualize it? Yeah, it’s kinda hard to describe.

The first people arraigned were those were are currently incarcerated. There were four or five people from that category, mostly parole violations for drug offenses and one that they didn’t read the original charges, but it sounded like it might be domestic violence. It was really interesting seeing how smooth the process went, for the most part. A couple people were a little off and for one, his attorney hushed him. Another was being a little beligerant because he’d cut his ankle monitor off in violation of his parole and was being denied further parole. His response? To angrily tell the judge that he’d do it again. Yeah, that’s going to get you bonus points. Another was starting to go off on a tangent and his attorney cut him off and said something, to which the guy told the judge “scratch that.” It was quite the array of personalities.

Pretty much for each person, a person’s name would be announced and their attorney would go up to the table. Since the first several people were incarcerated, they just sat behind the glass window. The charges were read and then there would be a discussion about pleas, options for release/continued incarceration, discussions about rehabilitation, and other interesting things. I felt bad for some of them because it’s clear they have had a life ruined by drug abuse. One guy threw away his chance at a drug treatment facility by cutting off his ankle monitor and not following through with a previous order to attend treatment. One guy said he’s 26 and has been in jail for 8 years and wanted to get into treatment. I really hope those people are able to get themselves to accept treatment and accept responsibility for their own actions before they ruin the rest of their lives.

When Lonny’s time came up, his attorney waived the reading of the charges, which means that nobody in the courtroom was able to hear that he was being charged with Sex Abuse I and Sex Abuse III. This may not be the most polite thing to say, but…………………….he’s willing to commit the crime, but he’s too ashamed for people to know he’s being charged with it. People, if you feel the need to hide something or don’t want the general public to know about it, chances are you shouldn’t be doing it. Unless it’s service or a surprise party or something nice. But otherwise, you don’t have to worry about having to protect your reputation if you don’t engage in bad acts.

Anyways, Lonny’s appearance was pretty short compared to the other cases. His attorney entered a plea of Not Guilty and asked to set both a pretrial conference and the actual trial date. The judge was a little surprised that he wanted a pretrial date in two weeks. He asked for April 30th at 10:30am. She said she normally does at least three weeks. I’m looking at my homework for that week and I should be able to go to that. I have to double-check that I’m allowed to, but I’ll plan on going until I’m told otherwise.

For the actual trial, he asked for June 5th at 9:30am. That doesn’t really work for me because that’s the week before finals. And it’s a Wednesday. I have work. After they all agreed on dates and we all left, Tamara and I saw the attorney outside getting in his truck (Lonny and his dad were walking off across the parking lot) and I decided to introduce myself and let him know I was going to speak to the DA’s office about getting the trial date changed since I’ll be preparing for finals at that time. He said this was just a tentative date to satisfy the ‘trials have to be set within 60 days’ rule and that it would most likely be postponed. He advised waiting until the April 30th pretrial hearing to worry about a conflict with that date since the pretrial hearing would most likely contain a motion for continuance. He was really nice, but I suppose that could just be a tactic.

I told my uncle about the conversation (he’s a former police officer) and he said I shouldn’t be talking to that attorney at all and to not speak with anyone I don’t know about the case until it’s over. I had figured I was just being polite and letting the attorney know I was going to alert the DA to a schedule conflict, but I suppose that’s not something I need to be worried about. My uncle reminded me that the defense attorney is being paid to make me look bad, which is something I should have remembered on my own. Just because I believe in being polite to people, doesn’t mean he won’t try to blindside me at every opportunity.

So, after speaking with Lonny’s attorney for that brief minute or two, we went over to the DA’s office to speak with DA Kimberly. My advocate is out of town and we were told DA Kimberly is now working in another office. She’ll be finished the cases she’s working on with the DA’s office, but she’s not officially with them anymore. That kinda threw me off. My advocate being gone did, too, but another advocate came out to talk with me and answered my questions. She said it shouldn’t be too big a deal to get the trial date changed and that Christine would contact me when she gets back from a training conference next week.

One thing this advocate reiterated is that Lonny is not allowed to have contact with me in any way and that I need to call the police even if I see him around me. And to call the police if anyone contacts me on his behalf as he is prohibited from contacting me through third parties, other than his attorney. She also said that if I’m in a store or at an event and he’s there, he needs to leave. I was surprised by that, but she said the no contact order is on him and that my life doesn’t need to be disrupted by it, that he needs to be the one who makes changes to avoid areas where I am while I live my life in a normal manner. We discussed how he lives on the other side of Salem from me and that if he’s in my area, to call the police immediately, even if he hasn’t tried to contact me. She said he shouldn’t even be in my area.

I felt pretty overwhelmed after the arraignment and the conversation with the advocate and we left. But not before I had a lovely little hyperventilating crying session on the stairs. Not too long, though, I was actually surprised at how fast it passed. Having Tamara there helped out a lot. We took the stairs down and then ran to a feed store to get some stuff for her horses and dogs. There were baby chicks there, too, and when a guy saw me looking at them, he opened the cage and gave me one to hold. I love how soft and fluffy they are.

Tamara bought me lunch on the way home and stopped at a cute little church so we could eat lunch there. We were both a little disappointed that there was construction equipment out front. But it was still a really pretty area and we enjoyed the scenery before heading back to her house. We played with her cats, dogs and chickens for a bit and tried to pet the horse and donkey, but they wanted to stay on the other side of the field. The bums. lol. We chatted for a bit and then I went home.

I really wanted to just stay home and cry in bed for a while, but I hung out for a few minutes before heading up to my school for a health fair. Stopping for ice cream at McDonald’s first, of course.

The health fair was pretty fun. There was free HIV testing (I’m HIV free), blood pressure testing (mine is in the very healthy range), a demo on how to make hummus (it was tasty), a dog to pet (he was soft), a ‘make your own stress ball with water beads in a balloon’ station (another guy there making one tried to race me and I won), and a lot of free stuff: chapstick, mini flashlights, cool little bandaid carriers with Bugs Bunny bandaids, toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, more chapstick, pens, the little card thingies for the backs of cell phones, massage rollers, a little squishy seal thing, foam stress balls, and a tapas snack station. It was pretty neat.

I also signed up for a health and fitness challenge that starts in a few weeks. My school does it every year and it’s basically just people grouped into teams and we get points for physical activity, eating healthy, logging what we eat, and other random things. It’s fun.

Oh! The prizes. I almost forgot about the health fair prizes. Each station we visited we were given raffle tickets. I entered for waterproof wireless earbuds, a massage, and something else that I can’t remember anymore. lol. Last year I won a Starbucks gift pack, which I gave to my brother for Christmas.

After hanging out at the health fair, I made a stop by the temple for a blessing and to watch a short video about Jesus Christ being there to help us with our trials and then went to Holly’s house. I was pretty much low energy and having a hard time being engaged while I was there, but it was nice to be around them. Little Emma came over to me and put her arms up, which she hasn’t done in a long time. Since she was super sick she hasn’t wanted anyone but Holly to hold her. She let me pick her up a few times and the boys gave me several hugs. I played Mortal Kombat for a few rounds and lost more than I won. lol. It’s been……decades???…..since I last played that game. Man, I’m old.

So, that was pretty much my day. It’s been emotionally exhausting and I’ve been up and down and all over the place, but I think it’s been an overall good day. I made it to the arraignment even though it was hard, I was actually in a really good place during the whole court proceeding, and then I didn’t let the emotional struggle afterwards stop me from doing things I wanted to do. It was great. I’m really proud of myself. And now I’m going to get myself off to bed. My brain is about to fall asleep.